Thursday, March 15, 2007

2007 NCAA Basketball Tournament Predictions (Part 4 of 4): The South

This concludes my 4-part series predicting the 2007 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. Parts 1, 2, and 3 can be found by scrolling down. My legendary 2005 predictions are here and here. My 1966-2004 and 2006 predictions are here (pointing to my long-term memory).

Actually, this doesn't conclude my predictions. I'll post the rest of my bracket (assuming all of my round 1 predictions are correct) later today.

And yes, I wrote this BEFORE today's games started. I'm just posting it now. I wrote it last night, in fact. At home. I would NEVER write anything during the work day. Honest. Not being sarcastic here. I'm being completely honest. I am.

(#1 seed) Ohio State vs. (#16 seed) Central Connecticut State

Mark Eitzel, the world's best singer and songwriter, is best known as a San Francisco artist. But he spent much of his early life in Columbus, Ohio, home of Ohio State University, In honor of his greatness and to celebrate the Buckeyes' victory, here are my Top 5 Mark Eitzel Lyrical Verses (either solo or as part of his band, American Music Club) (special thanks to this amazing site)

5. In the Shadow of the Valley (aka L.A. Is My Woman), AMC, 1994
I gave up my cynicism, I gave up my hard shell
I gave up everything that would cause you the least pain
I'm immodest as a child old before it's time
Why should I hide something I've no chance to see
My night was sleepless so all through my day
I took the next shade of weariness down to L.A.

4. Mission Rock Resort, solo, 1996
Let's have a drink at the Mission Rock
Watch the Oakland lights across the dry dock
Watch the blue, blue sky darken like an inhalation
Over the graveyard of ships and your conversation

3. Myopic Books, AMC, 2004
One day I left my room in the evening
The sun had just gone down, but the sky was still shining
And not even the stars out, up in their heaven
Could throw their ashes on the blue still burning
Over this ugly city - and that makes me happy
And that makes me happy…

2. Highway 5, AMC, 1988
Try and try, leave a trace
And all we ever leave is a sour taste
You're half asleep when I crash through
I'm like a drop of water on the dry sand
I'm a scar across your face
I'm an itch that's driving you mad
Highway five

1. What Holds the World Together, AMC, 1994
Through the window
The warm summer air does a two-step
I wish there was some way I could keep it
And clear away the Mission Street in my head that
Keeps this watery weariness in our bed and
Sets up more windmills that I'll waste my time missing
When it should just be your lips that I'm kissing

(#2) Memphis vs. (#15) North Texas

The film Hustle and Flow was set in Memphis. It featured the song and sentiment "It's Hard Out There For a Pimp." In response, I wrote a comic essay telling the pimps of the world to not complain so much, that it's really not all that hard out there for a pimp. It was really funny. I told the pimps - in an open letter format - to quit your whining and get to working. I submitted it to various humor-friendly websites. It was summarily rejected. Is this enough for me to pick North Texas in a huge upset? No. Memphis wins.

(#3) Texas A & M vs. (#14) Pennsylvania

This prediction thing is taking a lot out of me. I'm tired. So, the University of Pennsylvania is in Philadelphia. Soft pretzels, cheese steak sandwiches, Ben Franklin, etc. Penn in an upset!

(#4) Virginia vs. (#13) Albany

Back in the mid-late-eighties, I had a crush on a girl I worked with at the movie theater. She had curly hair and told me she preferred the spelling of "grey" to "gray." She liked The Cure and the poems of Whitman and Dickinson. Eventually, she went to college in upstate New York, near Albany (but not the Albany University that's playing this game). In 1988, I took a trip to the east coast to see my friend Patrick (drummer for my old band Customer Parking Only, among many other names). We drove to the college near Albany to visit the crushed-on girl. The three of us walked around campus and ate turkey sandwiches at a homey pub in town. There was a river there. I wrote that girl many poems. I never saw her again after that day. (You didn't know I had a band, did you? We played cover versions of Joe Jackson and Violent Femmes songs. Billy Joel and the Beatles too.) Virginia wins.

(#5) Tennessee vs. (#12) Long Beach State

Aah, Long Beach, city of broken promises and unrealized potential. Up against the Pacific... tall buildings and big ships. Orange street lamps and pretty good parking. Yes, Long Beach, where a redheaded Latter Day Saint I once dated hosted a Christmas party in 1996 at which a stand-up comic named Pooch called everyone together and said "you HAVE to see this video" and then we all saw the South Park Christmas video for the first time. There was melted brie and soft bread there as well. Yep, Long Beach. You win. (Did I mention that the comic Pooch was incredibly funny and should have been a huge star? Haven't heard from him since.)

(#6) Louisville vs. (#11) Stanford

Stanford has two seven-foot twins named Robin and Brook. They're the Lopez twins. This is what they look like. They win.
(although, it must be noted, Stanford is currently LOSING by 31 points!)

(#7) Nevada vs. (#10) Creighton

Creighton is in Omaha, home of Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes.

This University of Nevada is in Reno, home of Trudy and the rest of the Reno 911 cast.

Ignoring for a moment that they're the same person, who would you rather have on your side? Or, to put it another way, who has the better emo bangs?

Trudy wins.

(#8) Brigham Young vs. (#9) Xavier

I pick Xavier. Only because I really wanted coffee that one Sunday back in May I was driving through Salt Lake City (home of BYU) and because of some weird religious anti-caffeine thing, me and my cousin had to practically go to Park City to get coffee.

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