I’m not a medical expert. Sure, I have one of those Ph.D.s and you can call me Doctor. But I wouldn't know a renal gland from a Caeserean section. Still, I know how to navigate WebMD. And I’m pretty sure the bastards food-poisoned me.
Who are these bastards? Well, to avoid legal ramifications, I’ll just say that I will never again eat at a certain fast food chain that shares its name with an underground urban transportation system. I shouldn’t have eaten there anyway but it was just too hot to walk anywhere else during yesterday’s lunch hour. It's my deepest regret.
Thus, the hours between 8:00 and 11:00 last night were the most physically painful hours I’ve ever spent, at least since the Chicago hotel incident of ’95. What did they put in that tuna, I ask?
Okay, okay, I don’t want to make you queasy. I feel so much better now. I didn’t even call in sick. No, I braved the drive back to the city that poisoned me. I’m saving my sick days for the revolution. Or maybe the apocalypse. Or perhaps just a cool gray day in October.
4 comments:
bummer about the tuna sandwich. i'm sorry.
also, i don't know if we're going to second city tonight. monica's been working quite a lot.
Husband,
So sorry. Terrible pain for you. You did a good job keeping most of it in the bucket. I wish I could have helped you more better, poor thing you.
Love, Linglo
Rabbi - You should try to go the show. It'll be fun. And funny.
Linglo - I'm not your husband. I'm somebody else's husbad. You know nothing about any bucket.
Dear sir,
Subway Corporation would like to apologize for your recent illness and would like to compensate you for any inconveience by offering you a free 6 foot party sub. Your party sub choices include tuna salad, crab salad, and our new fiesta shrimp salad, all of which include chips and our home-baked cookies. Please call to redeem your party sub. Offer expires August 25th, 2006.
Sincerely, Margaret O'Leary
Human Resources
Subway Corporation
Studio City, CA
818 555 3643
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