As promised yesterday, I'm offering my predictions for this year's tournament. My picks, as always, will be colored by my personal interactions with the colleges and universities, their alumni, the cities in which they're located, and the cities' residents. Not a basketball fan? Don't know what a tournament is? Don't worry. It will still be fascinating. But you may want to skip the next paragraph, where I explain my process. Go right to paragraph #3.
After making it through half of the predictions, I became exhausted. The second half will appear tomorrow. It would have made more sense for me to offer my selections for Thursday's games today and Friday's games tomorrow. But it didn't work out that way. Today, I give you my picks for the Chicago and Albuquerque regionals to be played on both days. Tomorrow, the Syracuse and Austin regionals, also played on both days. After each pair of first round games, I offer my choice for the second round games to be held this weekend. Finally, at the end of tomorrow's report, I'll give my picks for the later rounds, pretending that each of my predictions will actually come true. So, here we go:
CHICAGO REGIONAL
1. Illinois vs. 16. Fairleigh Dickinson
(Don’t worry. They’re not all this wordy.)
When my parents immigrated to America in 1968 they chose to settle in Teaneck, New Jersey. Along the muddy banks of the Hackensack River, there were (are?) a series of barracks-like apartment buildings. In one of these apartments lived my aunt and three cousins. They put us (my parents, me, the sister) up in their apartment until we found our own place in nearby Bergenfield. I had many of my earliest memories in or near this apartment: eating moulaheyah (a green slimy concoction that Egyptians like to pour over rice and serve with oily burnt chicken – somehow it all tasted good); being told by my Aunt Samia to not go near the river because a boy from the other building supposedly sunk in the quicksand at the river’s bank; running into Gordon and Susan from Sesame Street while crossing a street in nearby Hackensack; watching my first basketball game ever on TV (referenced below); eating and then passing a penny; and going to the dentist.
The dentist. That’s what brings us back to this game. My parents couldn’t afford a real dentist. Perhaps my Dad’s Honeywell benefits hadn’t kicked in yet. But I needed to go to the dentist. I say it's because my two-plus years of living in Alexandria, Egypt where people brush their teeth with the sand of the Mediterranean damaged my then-nascent teeth, resulting in a hastened need for major dental work. What we could afford were the students in training at the Fairleigh Dickinson University dental school.
Within the walls of the dental school, the horror of my childhood bore its full weight. I recall large unshaven dental trainees with abrupt demeanors. I recall observers – real dentists? – judging the work of their charges, sometimes harshly (“No, not the 31, the 32!”). I remember lollipop bribes. I remember more dental work than any three or four-year-old boy should ever experience. I recall long narrow hallways and a complete lack of windows, resulting in my present-day claustrophobia. I recall the kids’ waiting room, with its black-and-white television showing “Aquaman.” There were so many trips to Fairleigh Dickinson that the mere mention of that university’s name sends shivers through my dental roots and electrical tingles to my gums, which, by the way, are in much better shape these days thanks to the forceful-yet-kind work of Dr. Emma Kim of Pacific Palisades, California, whose office is located next door to that of Pamela Anderson’s production company. Pam and I crossed paths in the parking garage once. She uses her turn signal even when no one is looking.
So, University of Illinois Fighting Illini, you have my permission to run up the score on hapless bottom-seeded Fairleigh Dickinson. Show no mercy. Send them back to their over-bricked campus in deepest Teaneck, with its blue-smocked dental students and their phlegmatic manners of speech. Destroy them. My pick: Illinois.
8. Texas vs. 9. Nevada
I’ve never been to Texas, except for the Dallas-Fort Worth airport. It’s a nice airport but in need of a remodeling. I’ve been to Nevada many times. My results there have been mixed. My pick: Texas.
Round 2: Illinois vs. Texas. Illinois, because they destroyed Fairleigh Dickinson and they will be karmically rewarded with a trip to the Sweet 16.
4. Boston College vs. 13. Pennsylvania
I’ve been to Boston. Nice city. Wouldn’t want to live there. But it’s nicer than Philadelphia, although the suburbs of the latter were home for my teenage years. I do have a soft spot for others things Philadelphian – the early-80s 76ers, the soft pretzels, the underrated vocal skills of John Oates. But Penn is an Ivy League school. Ivy League schools never win in the tournament except for that one time. My pick: Boston College.
5. Alabama vs. 12. Wisconsin-Milwaukee
Milwaukee spawned the Violent Femmes and Sigmund Snopek III, whose 1987 work “Wisconinsane” is the finest out-of-print album ever. But the best song ever is Steely Dan’s “Deacon Blues.” And you know what they call Alabama? They call them the Crimson Tide. My pick: Alabama.
Round 2: Boston College vs. Alabama. Although “Deacon Blues” was a fine song, I have to pick Boston College for pure basketball reasons. They’re a better team.
3. Arizona vs. 14. Utah State
It’s February 1980. Heart has just released their lesbian album “Bebe Le Strange.” It’s a masterwork. I’m 14. My family is on vacation in Arizona. Well, my father’s there for work but we’re there for fun. We spend most of our time in Phoenix. But one day, for reasons still unknown, we drive the 100 miles or so to Tucson. It’s raining. During the drive, I listen to Ann and Nancy sing about “Rockin’ Heaven Down” and those who go “Down on Me.” It’s interesting stuff. In Tucson, my father has the idea of taking us to go a college basketball game. Arizona vs. UCLA. It’s still the only college basketball game I’ve ever attended. The Wildcats won, with a stellar performance by Joe Nehls, who never made it to the NBA but works as Arizona’s announcer. I heard him on the radio once. He comes off as a little jittery. The atmosphere at the game was actually kind of energizing. I should go to more college games. On the drive home, Heart sings about a “Strange Night” where strange yearnings are felt, where unexplainable things happen. But not in this game. The favorite wins. My pick: Arizona.
6. LSU vs. 11. Alabama-Birmingham
I alluded earlier to watching my first ever basketball game on TV in Teaneck. Or at least the first one I can remember. It involved LSU and their star “Pistol” Pete Maravich. Dad said great things would happen to Maravich. “Pistol” Pete became a legend in college and a pretty good pro. But he died of a heart attack while playing a pickup game. I’ve been to Birmingham once, for an unsuccessful “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” audition. But it all worked out in the end, with the next audition in Las Vegas. My pick: Alabama-Birmingham.
Round 2: Arizona vs. Alabama-Birmingham. Arizona. Salim Stoudamire can ball, that’s why.
2. Oklahoma State vs. 15. Southeast Louisiana
No stories here. Oklahoma State wins.
7. Southern Illinois vs. 10. St. Mary's
I had a job interview at Mount St. Mary’s, an all-female Catholic school in Los Angeles. It was an all-day thing. I interviewed with six different people. I was fed me a fine lunch, with white tablecloths. But they didn’t hire me. Was it because I wasn’t Catholic or a girl? I don’t know. The school in this game, St. Mary’s, located in northern California, has nothing to do with Mount St. Mary’s. But they’ll lose anyway. Because I wanted that job. My pick: Southern Illinois.
Round 2: Oklahoma State vs. Southern Illinois. Southern Illinois, because I need to make at least one big upset pick.
ALBUQUERQUE REGION
1. Washington vs. 16. Montana
The University of Washington is located in Seattle. It’s a nice town. I would want to live there. The campus is lovely and green, with surrounding trees and walkways. They have a fine point guard in Nate Robinson. My pick: Washington
8. Pacific vs. 9. Pittsburgh
Pacific is in Stockton, California, the home of Pavement. Pittsburgh is the home of Joe Grushecky and his Iron City Houserockers. Who would YOU pick in a Battle of the Bands? I know who I’d pick: Pacific.
Round 2: Washington vs. Pacific. Well now Pavement’s got to go up against everyone that ever came out of Seattle: Hendrix, Nirvana, the Walkabouts, Heart. No contest: Washington.
4. Louisville vs. 13. Louisiana-Lafayette
I will never pick a team coached by Rick Pitino. Never. My pick: Louisiana-Lafayette.
5. Georgia Tech vs. 12. George Washington
It’s hard to go against the guy on the dollar bill. But Georgia Tech has Will Bynum. And Georgia Tech has Luke Schenscher who, I heard, has a posse. My pick: Georgia Tech.
Round 2: Louisiana-Lafayette vs. Georgia Tech: Georgia Tech because Lousiana-Lafayette only got this far on a technicality.
3. Gonzaga vs. 14. Winthrop
Gonzaga is in Spokane, Washington. The woman who laid me off from my last job, the woman with the miniature teacup collection (see yesterday’s blog) is from Spokane. This is the hardest decision I have to make. On principle I should pick Winthrop. But the Zags have Ronny Turiaf. And my ex-boss has lived in L.A. for the last 20 years and I like L.A. So why blame Spokane for her misdoings? My pick: Gonzaga.
6. Texas Tech vs. 11. UCLA
This is where gets really tough. Miss Teacup actually attended UCLA. And shortly after she fired me for no good reason (budget cuts notwithstanding), I interviewed for two different jobs at UCLA, located just five miles from my Santa Monica home. Now, the first interview was for a job I never really wanted. But the second one would have been perfect: good pay, interesting work, great location, nice people, etc. They toyed with me for months. They told me I was in the Top 2. They told me that the other guy wasn’t sure if he wanted to relocate across the country. I thought I had the job. But I didn’t. They picked the other guy. So there is more than enough reason for me to pick against UCLA on principle. But I have a soft spot for the Bruins. I became a fan during their 1995 championship run. They’ve got some talented freshmen, straight out of the L.A. school system. And Texas Tech is coached by the second most egregious coach there is (Pitino being #1) – Bob Knight. So, my pick: UCLA
Round 2: Gonzaga vs. UCLA. My mind is spinning with justifications for either side. But there’s something about this Bruins team. I can’t quite grasp what it is. But it’s good enough to beat Gonzaga. My pick: UCLA.
2. Wake Forest vs. 15. Chattanooga
My fingers are getting tired: Wake Forest.
7. West Virginia vs. 10. Creighton
Never been to West Virginia. Creighton’s in Omaha. Drove through Omaha once. Bright Eyes is from Omaha. Good work, Conor. My pick: Creighton.
Round 2: Wake Forest vs. Creighton. Wake Forest, despite last week’s ball-kicking incident.
Tomorrow: The rest of the predictions. And yes, it could be a long one. My two-time alma mater is one of the teams.
No comments:
Post a Comment