I'm known as a quiet guy. Some of you think I hold nothing back, that I'm too forthcoming. Others believe the opposite.
Looking back on my life, I realize that there are a lot of things I've wanted to say but haven't. I'm sure all of you have experienced this. So, today I give you:
Things I've Wanted To Say To People in My Life But Have Never Said
To Ashley, the girl in my creative writing study group in my junior year of college: I wasn't asking you out. I was asking you if you were going to Tony Roma's in Stadium Village to meet the rest of the group. You weren't my type anyway. You looked too much like Blair from Facts of Life.
To Dr. XXXXXXX, the professor for whom I was a T.A. back in grad school in Minnesota: If I was the "lowest performing T.A." in all your years of teaching, as you said on my answering machine, why did you hire me back for 3 subsequent semesters? Admit it, my performance was stellar.
To Noreen, my classmate in junior high: Yes, I should have reacted to your comely come-ons with at least a nod or a look or something. Instead, I just sat there in the library silently, plotting the next Hardy Boys book I'd read.
To Chris, the leprechaun-looking guy in the Saturday morning breakfast club I belonged to in the late 90s: You're an asshole. I'll order whatever the hell I want to order. And yeah that includes egg whites.
That's all for today.
4 comments:
Can we assume that if we weren't mentioned in today's posting that you have said to us all you need to say?
I can't wait to read what you have to say about me.
OK - one more question: Which of the following statements is (are) true about you?
(you may choose more than one answer)
a. you've been in the trunk of a car
b. you've worked at a drug store
c. you like to garden
d. you've had a restaurant review published
e. you've been on many many airplanes
f. you live in Atlanta
g. you're six foot tall
h. you've owned a Korg
i. your mother is from Brooklyn
j. you're related to me
k. you haven't written in your blog in many months
l. you once shot a man in Reno, not to watch him die, but out of pure vengeance
m. you use Windows XP, have a resolution of 1280x1024, and mistakenly prefer Internet Explorer to Firefox
n. your Javascript is enabled
o. you once worked with me
p. you like the music of Annie Lennox
q. there is no q
r. you have a son
s. you have 2 sons
t. you have a daughter
u. you have a daughter and a son
v. you have 2 sons and a daughter
w. you know the song whence the following lyric comes: "My house shoes get wet from the dew on the grass"
x. you've been on a game show
y. your alma mater hasn't won a football game this season
z. you were once a Whiffenpoof
Well, your list of statements is very unique. So unique in fact that if I were to tell the truth, you may have an idea of who I might be. That would be sad because it would be the end of the game and we have so much ground to cover. I guess we could play scrabble.
I suppose we can turn your list into a game?
Okay, the answer to statements m & n are yes, but only because I am now using my laptop instead of my office computer.
I have a question for you, do you like stained glass lighting fixtures?
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