I don't mean this in a joking, figurative way. He really saved my life.
It was the summer of 1985. I was 19. My friend Patrick and I had just driven - without stopping - from Minnesota to New Jersey. My family was staying at the beach house of my sister's then fiance (better known as the principle protagonist in the "the story no one in my family will ever acknowledge") in Atlantic Highlands, NJ, about an hour's drive from Patrick's house in River Vale. We had taken naps in the car, alternating turns behind the wheel. I dropped Patrick off around 10:00PM and drove south to the shore. I was tired. I should have found a parking lot. I should have slept.
Patrick had loaned me a cassette of Joe Piscopo's comedy album. Yeah, there was a time that the nation found him funny. I thought listening to someone do comedy bits would keep me awake better than music. I struggled to stay alert as I neared the beach house. I opened the window, hoping the breeze would keep me awake. I closed it because the breeze was numbing me.
I was a few miles away from the house when Piscopo's painfully unfunny Honeymooners Rap played on the cassette. This was a song he performed with Eddie Murphy. In it, they portray the Ed Norton and Ralph Kramden characters from the old TV show The Honeymooners. The joke was already old in 1985. Murphy and Piscopo are rapping because this was considered funny in 1985. Anyway, I fell asleep during the song. It was the only time I ever fell asleep behind the wheel. I was out for a few seconds when, in my dream mind, I heard Piscopo's exceedingly shrill voice screaming the name "Norton" over and over again (to which Murphy echoed "Ralphie Boy) in the bizarre call-and-response section of the song. If it wasn't for Piscopo's nasally over-the-top whiny voice, I wouldn't have been stirred awake in time to avoid driving over a median strip and into oncoming traffic (multiple cars, going 55+ mph). Any other singer wouldn't have woke me. Murphy's smooth deep voice kept me in a lull. It was Piscopo that shook me out of my slumber.
I'll never forget.
3 comments:
So, this is really the story of how Patrick saved your life.
The tape you credit with saving your life was loaned to you by him. Without the tape you may have fallen off to sleep and been killed in a crash.
So, have you called to thank him lately? Did you ever return the cassette?
What is going on here? This blog is getting so good, and there is this skunky lurker out there who has strange insight into the workings of a man I thought was...
Hmm...
Oh don't call the lurker "skunky." This is an enjoyable mystery to solve. I've narrowed it down to 17 candidates.
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