Wednesday, February 06, 2008

10 Things I Did in the Nineties

1990: Worked a temp job at a graphic design/printing company in Minneapolis. When bored, I would find a quiet corner in the warehouse and write poetry on expensive paper. My supervisor listened to Garth Brooks every day.

1991: While working for a high concept General Mills-funded gourmet food delivery business, I delivered food to the editor/publisher of the Utne Reader. He didn't tip me. He lived in a Linden Hills mansion and he didn't tip me. He was the only one who didn't tip me. Haven't bought the Utne Reader since.

1992: Had a fungal "growth" removed from the area between my thumb and forefinger on my left hand. Not as bad as it sounds. The surgery happened in Glendale.

1993: Wrote two poems called Bakersfield and Marbles. They changed my life. I've since lost them. Anyone have copies?

1994: Went to the Cal State University-Los Angeles library with my then-girlfriend. We looked through back issues of the Los Angeles Times to see if an evil man named "Michael" was ever arrested on sex crimes in the early 80s. Couldn't find anything.

1995: Watched the Pittsburgh-San Diego AFC Championship Game in a Las Vegas Travelodge, rejoicing in the Chargers' clutch win because I had money on it. My friend Jim, whom I was traveling with, enjoyed his new glasses from the Lenscrafters at the Fashion Show Mall and calculated how we could get the rental car back to Burbank with exactly no gas left.

1996: Lived in Amherst, Massachusetts for exactly 12 days. Drove to Boston once when I was bored. Still the only time in my adult life that I did not live in Minnesota or California.

1997: Went on a date that involved this restaurant, this movie, and the Museum of Questionable Devices. I have to say - that was one of the best dates I ever had. Too bad things didn't work out. Could it have been you? Hard to say.

1998: Went out on a date on a Saturday (saw Saving Private Ryan). Never dated her again. Went out on a date on a Tuesday. Dated her again, got married to her. The girl from Saturday later dated the ex-boyfriend of the girl from Tuesday. I'm now working on screenplay with ex-boyfriend of the girl from Tuesday. The funny thing is.... I don't think either of them know of the connections. You see, the date from Saturday who later dated the ex-boyfriend of my ex-wife swore me to secrecy, not wanting to blow her chances with the new guy. We discovered this connection when we ran into each other while seeing a 70s cover band called Two Tickets to Paradise. She later worked in a record store and sold me (on a Thursday) the only Eels CD I ever bought.

1999: Performed cover versions of U2's Lemon, the Beach Boys' Good Vibrations, Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire, among other songs, in a basement in West Milford, NJ.

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