I Cut My Own Hair

I have something to admit.

I did something this morning. For the first time in my life.

I cut my own hair. Not just a shave or a sideburn trim. I cut and styled and painstakingly analyzed every inch of my head.

Why? To save 26 bucks? Sure, that's a benefit. I never knew it was so easy! No, it started out innocently. I used my mid-level-barber-shop-quality clippers to trim the air around my ears and my sideburns. Then things were a little uneven. So I cut some more on that side and then some more on this side. And then I was perching my Macbook camera on the back of the toilet so the reflection of the door mirror revealed the back of my head.

So yeah. All those years I was paying women (three of whom I had crushes on) to cut my hair - I could have done it myself for free. And I would have been more consistent. And I wouldn't have attempted the failed fauxhawk experiment of 2004, as Carol Ann so bravely and Scottishly did. And all that money - $26 here and $18 there and $35 (!) after the Scotswoman switched over to the Gothy salon - could have been put to better use. Like maybe I would have bought that painting I saw in L.A. back in 2oo1 - Herve Villechaize's face centered on plush velvet, ornate decorations surrounding him.. and what's that? Eight netted pockets around the border, much like a pool table. They wanted $3000 for it. I think that's precisely what I spent on haircuts in this decade alone.

This is what I look like today, post-self-cut:





One song for the weekend and yeah it's them/him again. Enjoy: