Yes, I Lied

I said I'd be back Monday. It's Thursday. What can I say? I currently have two apartments and 1.25 jobs and - for a time period that could last anywhere from a few weeks to several months - two cats (with two separate eating arrangements and litter boxes). I have a wedding to attend this weekend 2000+ miles away. I just spilled coffee on my pants. And - in an event that will never be duplicated by anyone, ever - while driving home from work yesterday, I spilled orange-mango into my eyes. And I was wearing sunglasses at the time.

So you're wondering how I'm adjusting to my still-in-progress move? It's going okay. Still need to clean the old place. No, you're wondering how I can spill orange-mango juice into my sunglasses-covered eyes while driving. This is how it happened:

(all times are estimates)

3:17pm: I'm at work. I go to the market in the temporary campus dining tent. I purchase a Diet Dr. Pepper (for late afternoon energy) and a Fuze Vitalize Orange Mango Drink, along with a Kashi Go-Lean Bar. It's important to note that despite my use of the word "juice" in the first two paragraphs, the Fuze beverage is actually a "drink." This fact is vital to the story.

4:42pm: I leave work 18 minutes early, justifying this behavior by noting (to myself) that my lunch break lasted only 20 minutes. By this point, I had consumed the Diet Dr. Pepper and Kashi bar. I decide to take the unopened Fuze drink with me for the drive home.

5:07pm: I'm on the 110 freeway heading south, going home. I never envisioned that my life circumstances would lead me to be on the 110 south going home but there I was. I'm thirsty. The orange mango drink is sitting there on the passenger seat. I grab it. I unscrew the cap.

5:08pm: My cellphone vibrates in its resting place in the left cup holder. I put the bottle in the right cup holder. I grab the phone and look at who's calling. I decline the call (it wasn't you.) I put the phone back in the cup holder.

5:11pm: I remember that I'm thirsty. I grab the Fuze bottle. Despite the fact that this is a processed drink (not juice), I decide that I need to shake the bottle (like when I get that Minute Maid Pineapple-Orange juice and have to shake it so the flavors blend and the bottom of the drink isn't too sugary. You may have noticed that earlier I had unscrewed the cap. When the phone rang, I only partially screwed the cap back on. When I shake the bottle vigorously while driving at a speed of 70mph, a good 6 ounces of orange mango drink flies out of the bottle and towards my face. Most of it hit my sunglasses and the area above my right eye but enough of it ended up spilling into both eyes.

Even if you've never experienced a citrus-rich liquid entering your eyes, you can imagine that it might be unpleasant. It was. My left eye recovered quickly enough to see a moment later. My right eye took a few minutes to be fully healed from the acidic sugary invasion.

That's my story. That's all that's happened to me recently.