Not a Milkshake Post: Lakers in 7

Why so much hate for the Celtics some of you have asked via text message? Isn't your beloved KG on the Celtics? Do you not have love for Paul and Ray and Rajan? Doc? Well, you see the hate has nothing to do with the people. The hate has nothing to do with the city (though my one visit to Boston in '96 was kind of lame and forced me to move back to the Midwest). The hate has to do with the uniform. The disgusting green that tortured my youth. The sex-crime-faced leprechaun that stole my dreams. That ugly ugly ugly green that forced me to change my favorite color to blue in '81. That horrible little man who graced the uniform that graced such detestable distasteful players as Larry Bird (overrated), Kevin McHale (underrated but responsible for my favorite team not winning five of the last 10 championships, as they should have), Danny F'ing Ainge, Cedric Whatever Maxwell, and, yes, even Greg Kite. For it was on that May Friday night in 1981 that I cried real Philadelphia tears and forever cursed the team that exacted those tears.

Plus, there was NO explanation other than institutional racism for the Celtics' preponderance of white players during the 80s and 90s. None.

The irony of course is that the Celtics have no white players on their active roster in 2008. Their head coach is not white. Still, my racial worldview was imprinted in 1986 when I was watching the 67% Caucasian Celtics beat the lovable Lakers, when I was listening to Run DMC, when I was proclaiming Spike Lee as the greatest director the world will ever see, when I was preparing for the Public Enemy revolution that would drop two years hence. My stubbornness will not break. Celtics = establishment. Lakers (current racial makeup notwithstanding) = revolution.

But still, why the love for the Lakers? Isn't Kobe detestable and distasteful? No not really. Plus, he's the greatest player in the history of the NBA, the greatest athlete in the history of athletics. Didn't he rape someone in Colorado? Maybe, maybe not. Never went to trial so even "alleged" is an overstatement at this point. Didn't they unfairly steal Pau Gasol from the Grizzlies. No, Memphis got back a HUGE expiring contract with which they can sign two or three serviceable free agents this summer. Aren't those Laker flags you see on the L.A. freeways lame and annoying? No. I'd rather be overrun and suffocated with fabric made out of purple and gold than have my life saved by a makeshift rope made of Celtic green if I were ever to be drowning in an ocean below a pier.

My passions run deep. Either that or I really don't care who wins these sure-to-be-memorable NBA Finals and the above melodrama was a complete put-on. You never know with me. I will say this: Kobe missed nearly two-thirds of his shots and the Lakers were in it until about 30 seconds left. That might happen twice in a seven-game series. It won't happen more than twice. And look for Trevor Ariza to show up in game 2 to give them a slightly tougher defensive presence up front. And finally, NO TEAM that plays Sam Cassell will ever win a post-1995 NBA title. Doc, if you want to win the series, you might want to play Eddie House instead. Lakers in 7.

And I was right about Spike Lee.