27 Things You Didn't Know About Me

1. I like cinnamon.
2. If I could have any job in the world, it would be Puzzlemaster.
3. I remember the sixties.
4. I've never gone camping.
5. I'm not a stoner but I really like stoner movies.
6. When I was a boy playing basketball in my driveway, I would stage pretend games between bands - e.g., the Beatles vs. the Eagles (I know - 4 on 5, that's not fair... sometimes I'd let Yoko play.)
7. During my marriage, I sometimes lied about whether I had brushed Seymour and Lily.
8. I secretly respect the work of XXXXXXX XXXX.
9. This is a big one. I never thought Mr. Show was funny.
10. I'm going to see The Hold Steady at the Troubador on October 16. Who's down?
11. I like sunsets better than sunrises.
12. I think David Bowie ruined Golden Years with that stupid whistling bridge. What the fuck is that?
13. This is sort of gay. One thing that's made me very happy lately is Whole Foods' new line of Grapefruit Body Wash. Is there a better morning shower scent than the now-familiar smell of sweet fragrant grapefruit?
14. All I wanted for my 9th birthday was the single of Steely Dan's Rikki Don't Lose That Number.
15. In 1982, I unironically wrote a poem bemoaning the upcoming technological computer-based revolution that would beset the United States. The poem was called CompuNation.
16. One of my happiest moments ever was dressing up as the Blues Brothers and performing Soul Man with my friend Patrick at his wedding in New Jersey in 1993. Later that night I awkwardly danced to the Spin Doctors' Little Miss Can't Be Wrong while Italians ate cannolis and Irishmen drank whiskey (truth not stereotype). I was stuck being Dan Aykroyd because Patrick was fatter.
17. In 1988, my friend John and I conceived (but never wrote) a movie script based on the Leonard Cohen song So Long Marianne. For some reason, we made the protagonist a reformed porno actor. (John - you may not remember this but it happened. I keep all my notebooks.)
18. If I hear Rancid's Time Bomb, I will likely rock out.
19. In 4th grade, I was the victim of a bully named Peter Brown (fuck you Brown!). In 5th grade, I became the bully, punching poor Mickey Gebhardt in the nose (sorry Mickey). I learned to stop this cycle of violence and became a peace-loving liberal at the age of 10, even turning the other cheek when...
20. During the 1979 Iran hostage crisis, my across-the-street neighbor Chris McGuire repeatedly punched my arm and screamed "This is for the hostages! This is for the hostages!" because he decided, me being half-Egyptian and all, I was responsible for what was happening in Iran. I think I was horrified when it happened but when I picture it these days I just can't stop laughing (at Chris, not the hostages).
21. I'm shy but I open up when you get to know me.
22. For much of the nineties, I had an unbreakable habit of reading words in road signs backwards. This led to me having a character named Miehana in my brilliant unproduced screenplay Wingo.
23. This is the coolest picture I've ever seen. I'd pay ten-thousand dollars for that crown.
24. I thought I was the King of America but it was just a boulevard of broken dreams. As it turns out...
25. I'm the King of Rock. There is none higher.
26. Sucker MC's should call me sire.
27. My birthday is in 27 days. Note that.