My Top Car 9 Accidents Which Involved Me as Driver, Passenger, and/or Co-Insured
1. January 1987, Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis, MN. It was a winter's night. I was a passenger. My then-girlfriend drove my mother's Mazda GLC into a Cadillac. No one was hurt. The Mazda was totaled. In the tape deck was this album. Song #5 was playing. Song #4 would have been ironic. This accident happened right around that awful 12-way intersection where Hennepin and Lyndale Avenues intersect with 15th Street South (by the Walker Art Center) and that other side street and the various exits/entrance ramps for that one freeway. They've since fixed up the intersection. I think it's just a 10-way now.
2. August 1998, 101 Freeway, Los Angeles, CA. In a strange karmic twist on the '87 accident, I rear ended a semi-truck on the 101 freeway with my rental car, which happened to be a... Cadillac. This happened in L.A., although I was living in Minneapolis at the time. I was visiting. I never asked for a Cadillac but that's all they had. So I got the free upgrade. I don't remember what I, if anything, was listening to. I wasn't hurt, the truck never stopped, the front end of the Cadillac was CRUSHED and thus totaled.
3. December 2004, 405 Freeway, Santa Monica, CA. In a decidely non-karmic twist, I rear-ended a BMW with a Toyota Camry. I can't say what exactly caused this incident to happen because the Statute of Limitations may not have passed. But I will say this: My car was damaged significantly but not totaled; the BMW, on the other hand, suffered exactly zero dollars worth of damage. Though no one was injured, the accident took its toll, causing financial woe and rocking the foundation of my then-marriage.
(Do you sense a pattern here?
My small car>>>>>>their small car... small car gets crushed.
My big car>>>>>>their big truck...big car gets crushed.
My medium car made out of plastic and aluminum>>>>>>their medium car made out of high-end German steel ...my car gets bent out of shape)
4. July 2006, corner of Glendale and Fletcher, Los Angeles, CA. So the marriage has suffered enough and we're living apart, but with both our names still on the same auto insurance policy. The ex-wife is exiting the parking lot in a Camry (not the same one as #3 above). I'm at home enjoying casual work-from-home Friday. Bastards. No one is hurt. Car is totaled. The other driver is uninjured. The ex-wife gets a check and wisely spends it on her next car. I get higher rates that haunt me for 5 years.
7. October 2008, 101 Freeway, Los Angeles, CA. Now, let's go back to my Camry. Someone else is driving it now. Another ex-girlfriend.But she paid me for it so I used the cash to buy me a badass Honda CR-V. This happened as she was driving north on the 101 freeway, just south of downtown L.A. Accident #2 (above) occurred as I was driving south on the 101 Freeway in Los Angeles just south of downtown. Completely different circumstances. Someone rams her car into the freeway wall. She is not hurt but her car (used to be my car) is totaled. No one is injured. How does this affect me, you ask? The car is towed to the street near my apartment as the whole body shop / insurance thing slowly shakes out and I have to see my old charcoal-grey pal in its crushed metal former glory every day for like an entire week!
8. August 2009, someone's driveway, Los Angeles, CA. The Honda CR-V is no longer badass (it does have elements of just plain bad and just plain ass, however.) Anyway, I do exactly what's mentioned in #6. Except this happens in a driveway, not as street. And my car hits a fence and not someone else's car mirror. On the left and not the right. Damaging a fender and not a mirror. And it costs me 20 bucks not 10. Which I give to a guy named Marco, notn a guy named Mr. Yu.
- First 21 1/2 years: 2 accidents, only 1 as driver.
- Last 5 years: 7 accidents, 4 as driver.
- 3 different girlfriends/spouses/ex-spouses involved in 4 of the accidents.
- 4 cars totaled (1, 2, 4, and 7); no injuries at all.
- In my five accidents, I was the only driver. That means that when you - my friends - are in my car, I'm super-extra careful.
- Nine accidents and only one of them - #1 - occurred during the first six months of the year.
- Just last week, I was given the Good Driver Discount by my current insurance company.
- The cars whose very names/makes/models generate the most laughter and derision - e.g., my 1977 AMC Hornet, my 1988 Hyundai Excel - NEVER got so much as a single dent. Meanwhile, my own five accidents have occurred in, in order: Cadillac (rental), Toyota, Toyota, Honda, Honda.